YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME?"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE ME?

1. Anxiety — You Think You Can Handle Me?

I’m not anxiety—

I’m your personal fucking demon.

Suffocating you with invisible hands

While everyone else says “just breathe in.”

I am the breath you can’t catch.

The voice in your skull scratching:

“What if? What if? What if?”

I’m the reason your chest feels caged,

Your mind, a battlefield constantly enraged.

Heart pounding like it owes someone money.

And the punchline?

Nothing even fucking happened, honey.

You say you’re fine—

But inside, you're hanging on by a whisper,

Screaming “somebody notice me before I disappear.”

Yeah…

You think you can handle me?

I already own you.

 

 

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2. BPD — I Don’t Know Who the Fuck I Am

Borderline.

That’s what they call it—

Like I’m standing on the fucking edge of myself,

About to fall into me.

I love you so hard it burns.

Then hate you so fast it breaks.

One wrong look?

I spiral.

One unanswered text?

The world fucking ends.

I don’t know who I am

Without the reflection in someone else’s eyes.

I'm not dramatic—

I'm drowning in a sea of feelings that change with the fucking wind.

I ruin every relationship I touch,

Then cry about being alone.

Push you away just to beg you to stay.

Call it unstable. Call it toxic. Call it too much.

But don’t you dare call it fake—

This shit is real.

It’s fire in my veins.

It’s knives made of guilt and shame.

And it hurts.

Every fucking second.

 

 

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3. “I’ll Do It Later” — But Later Never Comes (NO MOTIVATION)

Later is the biggest lie you tell yourself.

“I’ll clean tomorrow.”

“I’ll text back tomorrow.”

“I’ll fucking live tomorrow.”

But tomorrow’s just today

Wearing a different mask.

You stare at the wall like it owes you answers,

While your dreams rot in the trash.

You want to move,

But your body is cement.

You want to try,

But your mind’s hell-bent

On keeping you numb.

So you scroll.

And scroll.

And pretend that surviving is the same as living.

Spoiler:

It’s fucking not.

I am the silence that kills potential,

The shadow that whispers “why bother?”

I don’t shout.

I suffocate.

Soft. Slow. Deadly.

And you wonder why everything feels like too much...

Because I’ve already convinced you—you’re not enough.

 

 

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4. Manic Episodes

Fuck gravity.

I’m flying too high to fall.

I’m God with a to-do list.

I’m every brilliant, reckless, fucked-up idea you shouldn’t do—

But do anyway.

I’m sex at 3AM.

I’m ten tabs open and a new tattoo.

I’m confidence dipped in delusion,

Running wild on no sleep,

No food,

No fucking breaks.

I love you, I hate you, let’s start a business,

Let’s burn the house down,

Let’s drive ‘til we disappear.

You think I’m fun?

You don’t see the crash.

The moment when the colors drain

And I’m face-down in a pit I dug myself.

I’m not your muse—

I’m your fucking executioner in glitter.

You don’t ride me.

I ride you.

Until you’re nothing but a broken light bulb

Still trying to shine.

 

 

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5. Suicidal Ideations

Let’s not pretend.

Sometimes, death feels like the only goddamn peace.

I’m not talking about wanting to die—

I’m talking about not wanting to exist.

To vanish.

To not be a burden,

A failure,

A body full of scars pretending it’s “healing.”

These thoughts?

They don’t knock either—

They crawl in when no one’s looking.

They whisper things like:

“You’re too broken.”

“You’ve fucked up too much.”

“You’re unlovable.”

And goddammit, sometimes I believe them.

I look at bridges.

Pills.

Blades.

And think:

"Would anyone really miss me?"

This isn’t drama.

It’s desperation.

It’s drowning in a room full of people.

It’s begging for someone—anyone—

To say:

“I see you. Stay. Please… stay.”

 

 

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Final Blow (Closing):

My name is Aaron "Lavender " 

And if your soul felt this mushroom cloud of pain—

You are not alone in the rain.

Message me. Fucking do it.

Don’t care if it’s 3AM. Don’t care if we’ve never met.

I will hold your darkness

And tell it to fuck off.

Because I survived this hell too—

And goddamn it,

I refuse to let you go through it without someone who gives a fuck.

 

💣💜💥