007 Me?
I sometimes sit in quiet contemplation.
Really get to grips with career evaluation.
Often after far too many beers.
I come to understand why I’ve been wasting all those years.
Wishing not to brag or get ideas above my station..
I’ve realised my calling, my only true vocation ……..
I think I’d be a great James Bond.
With my good looks and sex appeal I really can’t go wrong.
A secret service spy and licenced “ Baddie” killer.
A mascot for Viagra, and compulsive lady thriller.
My Walther PPK in its holster neath mi “ Tux.”
My little trouser monster doing cartwheels in my crutch.
As soon as I set eyes upon a girl.
It’s enough to send my many gadgets in a whirl.
And when it’s time for bed, she’ll be there waiting in my shower.
Another confirmation of my secret pulling power.
My new found sex appeal like a radar out at sea.
Even the bad guy’s wife will do a turn for me.
But beware because her motive will be fowl.
She’ll be in her underwear I’ll just wear a bath towel.
Then the bad guy’s henchmen will discover.
That the bad guy’s wife has found herself a lover.
So they burst into my room and kill the sinner.
They take me to the bad guy’s house, just intime for dinner.
He tells me I’m the man he’s been expecting.
And he’s going to cure my compulsion for the things I’ve been “ Erecting!”
Then he takes me to the shark pool in his cellar.
Then leaves me with the scariest of fella’s.
Who ties me to a float above the fishes.
Who’ll grant me one request or song or perhaps some dying wishes?
But what about the wristwatch on my arm?
Inside it has a razor blade and selection of small arms,
A nuclear device in case of further trouble.
Which turns the bad guy’s home into a pile of mangled rubble.
The royal marine commandos arrive to rescue me.
But I’m floating in a dinghy with a lady out at sea.
It’s just a casual fling again, there’s really nothing in it.
But when I get back home again, I’ll pop down to the clinic.
I’ve decided that I’ve found my true vocation.
Sex in rubber dinghies and duty to our nation.
-
Author:
Chris Duffy (
Offline) - Published: December 10th, 2025 22:21
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 7
- Users favorite of this poem: Doggerel Dave, Carlos Alberto BUSTILLOS
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Comments2
008 calling: Shift over sunshine , you've been on the job too long, time to share some of the benefits....... think I might have left my takeover too long - where's me walking stick?
Great to see you fronting up, Chris.
Hi Buddy
Hope you're well and I trust like me you are his good list, resulting in him emptying his overloaded sack
of goodies all over your house n the dead of night.
I have been busy promoting my book Zombie My Daily Battle With Parkinson's and Living On. which currently is a runner up to Fly fishing by J R
Hartley .
Many thanks for the witty critique, it makes me limp ten feet taller .
Still, looking on the bright side, buying Christmas gifts is simplified . Everyone gets a fifteen quid Amazon book token.
All the vey best to you an d yours
Found you on Storywrite, utilising your reference here. Interesting and moving. Still have some to read . I will return. Good luck and health, Chris.
Many thanks.
Read all the original Fleming Bond novels by the time I was fourteen they are the source of many a Walter Mitty. You through in a good many of the images from the novels into this poem. It is a fun read for any Bond fan. Well done
Thank you Soren much appreciated. can't say I am a devoted follower but the movies take me back to my childhood and one of my hobbies is collecting replica air guns. I am now the proud owner of a Walther PPK The James\Bond Gun. Big enough to fend off the bad guys.
compact enough to fit in the inside pocket of your tuxedo and under a bath towel if required !!
Many thanks for the kind review
r
to it inside the inside
You are most welcome. Fond memories. As always the books were far better than the movies
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