ink-stained noose

i hold
the nib of the pen
against the face of my page
and pray
that the purge of my pain
will send it away

once
i stripped bare
my entire spirit
and set it down
in ink
i pulled the heartache
out through my mouth
and bound it, neatly
made sense of the insanity
there was a time
my pen on page
would alter my brain
but now i stare blankly
with no means of escape

i try to create art
that will wipe tears
hold hands
expel darkness
and provide light
give others a reason to fight
understand the complexities
of minds
but i find
it does not always change

sometimes
the words
just sit on my page

i am pouring with feelings
love, happiness and healing
but all of it is fleeting
the good and the bad

in the joy
i am still sad
and slightly mad
my throat stained purple
from grief's iron grasp
my hands still aching
from holding the past
the anxious thoughts
are stretching out
into an impenetrable darkness
unfurling and swirling
the art is
my raging catharsis

we are creatives
fighting for a magnum opus
building worlds that show us
how to be calm
in a world that is constantly armed

i kiss
the tip of my pen
and the words come flowing
if i cannot write for me
i write for owen
or my mother
my brother
the girl my age
who stares at the page
and learns that her pain
was felt just the same
in someone else's brain
my words stained
with a kiss

if i am not missed
i pray the writing is

an ink-stained noose
i couldn't remove it
but i could improve it

i cannot detach from the pain
but i can hold it
involve it
write it into my art
make every arrhythmic beat of my heart
worthwhile

i think
even in the hurt
this life
was worthwhile.

14:41pm - 13/12/25.