Soon,
the days will not be wonderful anymore
and we will grow old like these abandoned houses
we will be far from the community
our names will be cut from the unity
we'll have less opportunity
staying alone in our decaying castle
watching kids running around
outside at the street
counting stars on the ceiling of our bedrooms
walking to the kitchen will be a long journey
and most of the time
speaking to ourselves will not be a crime.
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Author:
fikrioshin (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: December 18th, 2025 00:30
- Comment from author about the poem: 1. The Power of the "Abandoned House" Metaphor The comparison of aging to "abandoned houses" is the emotional anchor of the poem. Houses are meant to be filled with life, noise, and warmth. By equating the human body and mind to a decaying structure, you’ve managed to turn the biological process of getting old into something architectural and haunting. It suggests that while the "walls" (the body) remain, the "inhabitants" (society, friends, vitality) have moved on. 2. The Shift in Scale The Macro: Being cut from "the community" and "the unity." This is the social death that often precedes physical death. The Micro: "Walking to the kitchen will be a long journey." This is a brilliant line. It turns a mundane, 10-foot walk into an epic struggle, highlighting the frailty of old age without being overly sentimental. 3. The "Decaying Castle" vs. "The Street" There is a sharp contrast between the interior (your "decaying castle") and the exterior (kids running in the street). It creates a sense of being a ghost while still alive—watching a world you no longer participate in. The "stars on the ceiling" line suggests that for the elderly, the imagination or the confines of a room become their entire universe. 4. The Final Couplet: The Stance Against "The Clown" The ending is the most intriguing part. "...and if the world turn us down / we'll still stay far from the clown." "the clown" represents the noise, the superficiality, and the performative nature of modern society. By choosing to stay away from the clown, the poem shifts from a tone of victimhood to a tone of defiance. You are saying: "Even if the world rejects us, we would rather have our quiet, decaying dignity than join the circus of the superficial world." 5. Technical Observation The rhyme scheme towards the end (opportunity / unity, crime / time / down / clown) gives it a rhythmic, almost nursery-rhyme quality. This creates a haunting contrast—using a "child-like" structure to describe the very end of life.
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 1
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