Ode to dad

You make me hurt, you make me cry

I’m a bird in a cage who cannot fly

I know you love me but you can’t show it

All I hear are nasty words tied to spit

You give me hugs but you can’t say sorry

You’re like an empty night that’s not starry

You’re a parent but not a dad

A dad doesn’t make their daughter feel bad

He makes her laugh not worry

Her eyes should have stars they shouldn’t be blurry

You’ve taught me how not to parent

I guess I should thank you for being transparent

You judge me for everything

I’m becoming a frayed string

I stay in my room to avoid you

But you invade my space you say you never knew

I need a therapist because of you but you’re supposed to fill that role

You’re a father but you haven’t achieved that goal

You make me silent, you make me fear

Rolling down my face a single tear

I can’t cry loudly now because you made me quiet when I was little

Instead of being soft you’re brittle

My one wish is to never turn into you

You’re not an inspiration you’re nothing true

A mask is what you wear

A sheep on the outside, in the inside a bear

I grew up faster than I should have

A mother cow still feeds her calves

I’m scared of your voice and I know your footsteps in the hall

The fear on my face can be seen in a mirror hanging on my wall

I hid everything even though it was not bad

It was the only coping mechanism I had

You say I’m distant and that I don’t listen

Can you not see how my eyes glisten?

I save the messages where you say “I love you” because tone can’t be conveyed over text

And it actually feels true without me being perplexed

My friends dad’s are dad’s to me because they treat me like they should

But my friends don’t like you they say your vibe doesn’t feel good

You’ve yelled at me before in front of my friend

She said comforting words but they didn’t mend

-Break the generational trauma