Scrolled Away

I loved you with all my heart

But it hurts

When I wake in the middle of the night

Stirred by phone light

Shining through the warming cloth

Dim enough to keep me asleep,

Dark enough to hide the milky-way

The billions of stars, hidden in your mind

When we wake in the morning

  Bad breath spewing into the air

  Tight muscles tucked under the blankets

  Brain fog clouding the morning

You start scrolling

Seeking laughs from the digital ether

I yearn for you to rollover to me

And scroll through my mind

Seek the truth and be curious about my world

What do you have planned today?

Is that morning wood? 

When I get home 

How was your day?  You look sad today?

Here, sit down with me

I'll rub your head and you can nap

You are glowing!  What made you happy?

I want to take you to dinner tonight!

Lets go for a walk!

Lets play 39 questions! 

Have you been working out? 

You look sexy as fuck

I loved that song you beat on the drums! 

What was it?  What is it about?

All the gazillions of things you can ask me about

But, instead

You traded me in

For romance novels, before scrolling was scrolling

Old-School scrolling

Then you traded me for Mafia Wars and Farmville

On the book of faces and ADs

They monetized you and took you away from me

I hate them for that

You watered your digital life but

You didn’t water me

You fertilized your mental garden

Buy You didn’t fertilize mine

You sit in your place, always

In the kitchen, the island with a table that we built

Bright blue seating pads, with cloth of a boat

The one built with the money I sweated mental tears for

Clawing for work and business, working weekends and nights

Building our life and my stress

And my loneliness

Dogpiled on my loneliness and added to my fucking trauma

I put aside me

For you and us and the spawn of us

All of you

I did it for you, because

My love was real

My love IS real

But it’s faded, it’s dim

There’s a blanket on my heart

Covered now

Thickened but weary and sad

I wish you knew that

The sun shined for you

I shined for you

I’m real

I’m here, warm, cozy, laying next to you

I have a pulse

The vortex of my heart

It's full of oxygen to help you breath

But you seek something beyond me

I am not enough

During the day, the bright, real day

The one right in front of you

Like I am

You take the iPad to work

So you can scroll and scroll

You hide from life and me and

You will realize someday that

You Scrolled Me Away