Right, I want you to put all your negative thoughts into a bottle.
What sort of bottle.
Doesn’t matter what sort.
Vodka bottle do.
Jesus, yes.
Okay, I’ve run out of room.
You’re so predictable.
Just like you last night, standards are dropping.
That’s because I knew you were coming for a session today.
Think how I feel, all my thoughts in a bottle of Vodka.
Maybe I should hypnotise you.
How do I know you won’t interfere with me, you read about these things.
Take my word for it, I’m going to send you to sleep, then I’m going to join you.
How does that help me if we’re both asleep, you got a bit of telepathy going on here.
Yes, I’m going to put you into a trance, see if we can find you another guy.
What sort of guy are we talking about, I mean, I’ve already hit rock bottom with you.
Well, in that case, we should be able to fix you up quite quickly.
I don’t know what if he doesn’t understand my quirky sense of humour.
He’ll dump you then.
What, can he do that, just discard me, and me a broken woman already.
Afraid so, but then you can find another guy, and another.
My God, I’ll be the talk of the town, my bottle will be overflowing.
Just relax, breathe in, breathe out, stop doing that.
Doing what.
You’re thrusting your chest out, do you know what sort of guy that’ll attract.
Someone like you.
You don’t want to attract someone like me, you want someone dynamic, someone who’ll take you away from all this.
Have you got someone in mind?
Yes, I was talking to this nice chap in the Asylum yesterday.
Why is he in the Asylum?
He killed a snail.
My God, they put you in the Asylum for that.
No, he’s in for using a flamethrower.
What’s the snail got to do with it?
That was the trigger point.
So what happens if I upset him and it triggers something and he goes mad?
It won’t, I told him to put all his negative thoughts into your bottle.
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: January 5th, 2026 05:23
- Category: Humor
- Views: 13
- Users favorite of this poem: Friendship, Tristan Robert Lange
Offline)
Comments5
Therapy at its best, bottled. Hope the cork is nice and tight. A fun read Paul
It is that time of the year.
Welcome back, Happy New Year.Paul. Well said.
You need a bottle in depressing January.
If you have any, I'll take some. Thank you
Paul, this piece thrives on escalation. What starts as mock therapy turns into a surreal power play, and the final turn lands with perfect deadpan menace. Funny, unsettling, and tightly controlled chaos. Thoroughly enjoyed this. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
They're getting on like a house on fire now.
Fantastic work.
Thanks, Thomas.
You've got the bottle to tell it like it is...
Overflowing. lol
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