How did I get here

How did I get here

In this place,
In between
Not fully loved,
Not fully gone.

You seem angry,
Sad,
Unhappy,
Lonely—
And I keep trying to be the cure.

I do everything in my power
To make life easier,
Better for you,
For us
Until “us” starts to feel like only you.

I feel like I’m here for your convenience,
A steady hand,
A soft place to land,
Helping you crutch through this life
While my own legs grow tired.

How did I get here again?

I trusted things would change.
I opened my heart
And turned off my brain.

Every promise.
Every pinky swear.
Each one arriving
Just a little too late
To keep us fair.

I wonder if I chose us
Because I remember what our love once was,
Or because I believed
Your promise of who you said you’d become.

Should we keep pretending you changed,
Or accept the truth
That you never did,
That you only wanted me back
To help you survive,
Not to grow.

I feel
Used.
Abused.
Exploited.

And I keep asking
How did this become again?