Good loneliness

You know that feeling when you're in a social event

and that feeling of loneliness just ... hits you?

I'm sure that a lot of people would feel sad, 

hurt, or maybe even, i don't know, mad.

I'll tell you what i feel in those moments.

First of all, there are several emotions i experience.

Not fighting to be the biggest one,

but just peacefully existing next to each other.

That brings us to the first emotion; peace.

I feel like, for a minute,

i don't have to worry about the fact that the people should

care for me, or pity me, or worry, of feel sorry.

They live perfectly fine without me,

and that makes me quite happy. 

If something ever happens to me,

regardless of what it is, 

they won't need me.

They don't have to not look out for me

for me to know that they don't need me.

I'm sure this kind of situation would make some people feel

different about this than i do, 

but i kinda like the sensation of peace.

Because i rarely feel peace with all those never ending,

racing thoughts.

I also feel a bit empty, like i don't have to say anything.

Whatever i say, it won't matter, because i don't either.

I don't feel bad empty though. 

Just that nothing has to be said in that moment, 

because nothing will matter enough.

I feel a little sad too, 

but that is more of a background chattering.

I'm used to the sad feeling by now, 

and i've began to appreciate the sad.

I like it now. I just live in the moment of no words mattering, 

not me mattering, and me just quietly existing.