relief

I think I need to remove the parts of me,

that make me,

me.

I need to quieten my heart that aches so often,

I need to take apart my soul that wonders why,

I need to turn off the part of my brain that takes over,

I need to remove whatever part of me,

that makes my heart sink,

the deep ache in my chest,

that I have so often.

I want to be free of me,

I feel it might be a curse,

I would not wish it on anyone.

I think of relief,

and I do not smile, 

I do not wonder when,

but I think of it.

It seems like the forbidden answer,

but forbidden by who,

myself or the world?

I do not actually wish for relief,

I just wish for peace,

to live not in pain,

to not question myself every day.