I love you, I'm sorry.

I kid you not, you're the star in almost all my thoughts, and it scares me a lot. I wish I could turn them off or do something to make them stop. I'm scared to love you, and I'm scared to lose you. I'm scared that if I play with fire, you'll get burned too. I'm scared to put myself out there and you turn me away, or worse we try to make it work and I show you everything. all my flaws and all my fears. everything I've kept hidden away for years. And then you don't see me the same. Can't see me the same and I open up just for you to run away. because it's too much. I'm too much. not what you signed up for. and that's the real reason I'm standing here. without knocking on your door. so yeah, I'm a coward and no I won't try because I can't stand the thought of you looking at me and seeing a different person in your eyes. of you being disgusted by all my past mistakes. I know I was a kid but still, "nobody made me this way" but I still need you, I still want you, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. but they'll never find the body.