lime bubble tea

i stare at the vast array of vintage and decorated mirrors on my bedroom wall 

and i always think of the person I’ve always wanted to be. 

someone beautiful, kind at heart, perfect.

someone unlike me. 

or rather; someone like you.

i’ll never forget how you showed me to write poetry.

i’ll also never forget how you always told me 

that I am a beautiful woman,

and that I will be a beautiful poetic muse

but, my love, i don’t want to be objectified as a muse at all

i already know what it feels like

more than you’ll ever understand or fathom

instead, i’d rather be the poet himself.

i want to be the one to tell everyone about my love

rather than being just a love in someone else's story.

i remember when you compared me to bubble tea

sweet, and beautiful-looking. 

yet every single person I’ve ever “loved” always disagreed.

compared me to lime flavored bubble tea.

sweet and beautiful on the outside, loved by everybody. 

but one sip in

you feel the sourness 

and find it disgusting and realize that

it is only is loved by its looks,

not its bitter taste,

making people spit it out.

but you? 

you're different, my dear. 

you like me for me, not for my beauty. 

must be why every single girl tries to chase you.

i’m different, though, my love. 

unlike them, my jealousy 

doesn’t bind me from achievement. 

and unlike them

you're the first person I’ve ever felt love for

all the others were just pity in my eyes.

what’s more humiliating, my dear?

the fact that i cannot achieve something as simple and old as love? 

or the fact that my own mother wished she had a son 

instead of a daughter who is hungry 

for the love she could never provide?

my love,

you’re beautifully made

but I don’t want what you have

i want to be you.

i don't want to share the spotlight with you,

i want it all to myself

call me selfish my dear

but that is what a fragile heart does to you. 

i’m unlike the girls who started to chase you because of your looks.

you know why? 

because I did it because of you

not your looks

or your charm

you may say that I’m just like them

but I'm not. I never will be. 

not unless you want me to be.