Broken Halo

[CW: Grotesque imagery, religious trauma]

There’s a cross burnt on my tongue,
of all the times I’ve swallowed His body,
while holding lies in my throat.
The sanctified wine is bitter
because of the sins I’ve committed.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
You could say I’ve kissed the devil on his lips.
All of these rotten teeth; no holy water can wash away.
This charred skin of mine, no prayer can purify.

I’m hanging from this family tree,
Noose 'round my neck, arms embraced by sigils.
They tried to exorcise this demon out of me,
tried to exorcise my soul out of me.
Leaving claw marks on my back;
I swear I feel them on the inside.

I have remade my own flesh,
written my anew name in different skin,
I have made myself wings of glass;
attached with glue, tape and nails on my back.
Only holy in my eyes.

But I am no longer bound in golden cuffs,
Or have a vigilant halo on my head;
counting the wrongs I’ve done.
My tongue runs across these hollow teeth sockets;
and my throat is scarred from all these crows.

May the vultures eat what’s left of my eyes
who have seen too much, let them leave me hollow.
Let them feast on my insides tainted with these prides.

Let them leave only my bones who truest to me were.
Shining across this moonlit lake it’s all of me to intrude.
Consider me a human soul or consider me a fool;
but this is me and it’s always been this cruel.

These crosses all over my body;
burnt and scrawled across my bones,
my body has never belonged to me,
It’s only ever been a cavern for my soul.
So kiss my eyelids and drown me in unholy water;
baptize me in this dark.

Take this vessel and tear it to shreds,
my body has never belonged to me
so tear it apart until I’m free.