controlling you're solitude

I feel lost with myself, family, friends, and memories iv have with souls in the past. I keep myself with a crowd to match the volume of my voices that make me miserable. I think that iv spent enough time alone where iv found out that maybe being alone isn't the answer iv been looking for. i think its okay to want to be wanted, or loved. Nothing good comes form forced solitude, the only thing you gain is the misappreciation of life. Even when I am alone I try to find a meaning to it. Maybe I I should harnest my loneliness and transition it to solitude. Control my urges of false or not there anymore relationship's iv had. Stop the lusting and the connection I greed for and find comfort with myself.