I have to start practicing the Guitar

I don't tell my friends I write poems
I don't want them spoiling the fun
I don't want to hear that I'm "performative"
I don't want to doubt myself like they doubt me

I can't stand the way you look at me
When I tell you all the female artist that I relish
You're the one who asked but
I guess if she's not a rapper then my enjoyment is a blemish            

It must all be one huge act
Like when they see me read a book
I guess that's why he laughed
I finished chapter one

So I won't tell you that I write these poems
That's between me and my friends from my home state
I can tell them that I like those songs
And they'll just smile and relate

They new me before I became a show
So they know what's real what's fake
And if they ever make me feel bad
I can trust 'twas a mistake

So we'll go sit in that cafe together
And I will go on rants 'bout you
He'll look me directly in the eyes
I know he'll know what's fake what's true

And through the speakers all those artist songs will play
The sanctuary where my poems bide
And I'll imagine one day you'll find my words
Unmasking all my confidence and pride

No longer hidden by that doubt 
The stone resting within all our shallow insides
Bursting open sprouting out the concatenation
Of passions that resemble my new life

But until that day I'll write these poems
Under a sweet pseudonym that fits me well
A prudent testament to my growth
Waiting for the day I tell

And when that day comes, after you have praised me
For before you stands a star
My ego now all brushed off and ready
I think I'll pick up my guitar

Ask you if you want to hear a song
And of course you will say "yes"
Play you one of those girly cafe songs
Then ask you what I should play next