Between the Cold and Hope

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life medicated.
But the bathroom floor was so cold
that for a moment I thought
maybe this is how everything will always be.

And then I remembered
the people I love.
My family.
My friends.
The way their voices fill the days.

Leaving them would be a pain too great.

Because there are also moments
when life feels lighter.
A warm summer day.
A laugh that appears unexpectedly
while I walk down the street.

I like feeling good.
I like laughing for no reason.
I like being alive.

But still
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life medicated.

And at the same time,
I don’t want to spend my nights
on that cold bathroom floor,
feeling like everything inside me is breaking.

So I stay here,
between fear and hope,
hoping that one day
life will feel a little warmer