The black sheep

I didn’t know a heart could feel this heavy,
Now every breath just feels so unsteady,
Like all the air around me is turning tight,
And I force a smile to hide the fight.

The ones I thought would know me don’t see me now,
I search for words, but I don’t know how,
I’m back to feeling like I don’t belong,
So I fade from crowds where I feel wrong.

I’m back to being the black sheep I hide,
The one who’s breaking alone inside,
I’m back to thinking I bring the pain,
So I push them away again and again.

Back to finding comfort in the pain,
Back to whispering curses in the rain,
Back to every word that cuts too deep,
Back to heartbreak I’ve learned to keep.

It was true, love was never meant for me,
Just a lie dressed like a fantasy,

It was true, happiness never fit my face,
Just tear stained cheeks I couldn’t erase.

I feel like a fool for dreams that weren’t mine,
For getting excited over borrowed time,
I thought I’d be a girl with a carefree smile,
Not lost in thoughts that ache all the while.

I finally felt like I had it all,
But that’s not how these moments fall,
I thought this time would be the change,
But it was just another lie, the same.

Finally I found someone I never want to lose,
But now I question if I deserved to choose,
I saw my next sixty years in you,
Now I’m not even sure I’ll wake up tomorrow too.

Maybe I’m the one who’s meant to be alone,
Shutting every door I’ve ever known,
Maybe I’m the one they never choose to keep,
Yeah… I’ll always be the black sheep.