Pity for the girl I killed with my own hands

Many trans men experience something called “Trans Guilt" 

They feel guilty for taking away their family's “little girl" 

I am not one of those people.

I guess I feel pity if anything?

Not for my family

Never for my family.

But for the little girl I killed

We are the same but different

Same body different names

Same childhood but one of us never got to grow up.

I killed a little girl to be free

Buried her deep within myself 

Burnt her pretty dresses

Cut her long hair that she hated anyways

I'm not sure if she'd like me

She always liked the “emo” and ”edgy” characters

Maybe she'd think I'm cool?

Maybe she'd thank me

For freeing her from her long hair prison

Maybe she'd hate me

For killing her with my bare hands

She lived on for a while, in skirts and crop tops

Then I came to my senses

I got rid of those

Disposed of the last bits of evidence 

She's finally fully dead

I wear her corpse

Use her voice

Existing using her soul

This is my body

But it was also once hers

We are different people

We couldn't exist at the same time though

I don't have an identity disorder

I am simply a new person

I killed a little girl

Watched the light die

I feel no remorse

I actually feel liberated

I am free

Because she is dead

I simply pity

Because she'll never get to be

Pity for the gowns never worn

For the hair never styled

For the makeup never done

For the corpse buried in tool and silk

I hope she understands why I killed her.