dismantled

in this small, lovely nook
that has cradled me
for a decade
i finally breathe out

the window is
ajar
and the air is calm
chilly, fresh
fraying tenderness
i confess, i think
right here, this place
is where i like me best

the time is coming, and fast
for the trinkets to be tucked away
records pulled from the walls
paint, peeling, promised a 
fresh coat of new life
new colour, new hands to 
graze the edges of the room
in catastrophic rage

posters, pried off and folded into boxes
bookshelf, repainted and dismantled
every piece of me, carefully handled 
the bed that has held me
through every ounce of fear
finally retired
me, tired
looking at the empty space
wondering if i have it in me
to wrench my heart out of the place

the floor that
lifted me
in episodes of tachycardia
heartbeat only knowing
how to beat faster
the floor that 
saw me dance
watched me, entranced
laughed as i pranced
the floor that 
felt the buckle of my knees
as i knelt and prayed
when i thought my world
was ending
if the world was ending
how long would it be
what horrors would unleash
for you to pray?

when i 
run my hands along the walls
and say goodbye
i swear, the air itself
is resisting the urge to cry
here, i have birthed
almost all of my words
here, i discovered
that poetry heals hurt

and this
does hurt

to the space
that has held me
cocooned in a womb of 
safety
presence
love
you are all i could dream of

a fragile, frail girl
with cheeks so wet,
they were ready to bleed
shoulders bruised from
the brute
of her grandparent's floor
ready for a home of her own
ten and a half special years
in a sacred room
for her to grow

here,
how i have grown.

12:06am - 10/04/26