It wasn’t the sex
That wasn’t important
Well it was
It was him
I gave him my time
He gave me five minutes
Christ, he came quicker than the 9.05 express
Actually, the 9.05 has been cancelled due to a Viagra malfunction
He said he got excited
He’s forty-two
It’s a breast thing, he said
What, the two of them
Well, actually it’s you being naked
Should I keep my clothes on
Could we do it in the dark, he said
Yes, just bloody do it
I was excitingly waiting
Nothing
Maybe he’s a Ninja lover
I heard him chewing
What the hell are you doing
I’m coming
For Christsakes, not again
No, I’m ready for you
Well get on with it
I’ll just close the door
He screamed
Something told me satisfaction was 999 away
The paramedics put it in ice
The police took down my particulars
God, how I wished they would take down my particulars
He blamed me, could you believe it
Other patients were calling him, Bob it.
I told him straight, the bloody door got more action than me
Is that all you can think about, bloody sex
I started laughing, he didn’t get it
Just like me
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: April 27th, 2026 04:13
- Category: Humor
- Views: 11
- Users favorite of this poem: Tristan Robert Lange, Friendship
Offline)
Comments4
They don't call it premature for nothing. A fun read Paul. Well done
Don't think they're together anymore.
Easy come (cum) easy go
Paul, this walks that line between comedy and something more uncomfortable underneath…each turn gets a little more absurd, but also more revealing. By the end, it’s not just funny…it’s telling. You held that balance well. Well written. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
Brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it. lol
😂enjoyed your humor,well done
You need a laugh.
Once I realised...
Did it bring tears to your eyes.
Definitely felt uncomfortable for a micro second or two...
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