Bob It

It wasn’t the sex

That wasn’t important

Well it was

It was him

I gave him my time

He gave me five minutes

Christ, he came quicker than the 9.05 express

Actually, the 9.05 has been cancelled due to a Viagra malfunction

He said he got excited

He’s forty-two

It’s a breast thing, he said

What, the two of them

Well, actually it’s you being naked

Should I keep my clothes on

Could we do it in the dark, he said

Yes, just bloody do it

I was excitingly waiting

Nothing

Maybe he’s a Ninja lover

I heard him chewing

What the hell are you doing

I’m coming

For Christsakes, not again

No, I’m ready for you

Well get on with it

I’ll just close the door

He screamed

Something told me satisfaction was 999 away

The paramedics put it in ice

The police took down my particulars

God, how I wished they would take down my particulars

He blamed me, could you believe it

Other patients were calling him, Bob it.

I told him straight, the bloody door got more action than me

Is that all you can think about, bloody sex

I started laughing, he didn’t get it

Just like me