I told her marriage was an institution.
She went mental.
I consoled myself with shooting the tortoise.
It was for the best.
There was no way it would win the greyhound derby.
She was beyond reason.
I was bringing it out of its shell.
I sort of laughed uncontrollably.
She didn’t.
She actually was trying to bring it out of its shell.
I suggested mad passionate love.
She wanted chocolates.
How about a toffee crisp and a fumble.
How about you dropping dead.
Who would pick up your pills if I dropped dead.
I would pick up my own pills.
What, you don’t know what day of the week it was last Thursday.
I was in love last Thursday.
Not with me.
No, with the pet shop owner
You do know he’s married.
He was leaving her for me.
He’s married to a bloke.
They’re both leaving their wives for me.
Is this about the tortoise.
What tortoise.
Never mind, let's get married.
Just now.
Yes, we can get married in the chemist shop
Somehow that makes sense.
What about children.
You could get them at the supermarket.
Three for two.
They hide them behind the screens now.
Children.
No silly, the alcohol I think.
They don’t hide the chocolates.
Did you really shoot the tortoise.
Yes, but the bullet bounced off its shell.
That’s good.
Not really, the pet shop owner was holding it.
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 1st, 2026 03:07
- Category: Humor
- Views: 5
- Users favorite of this poem: sorenbarrett, Teddy.15, Friendship
Offline)
Comments3
The chaos of the various themes mimics life's chaos and the distracted conversations those of daily life where no one really understands anyone but pretends they do. Various needs undesired pushed upon unwary and undesiring dupes as we fumble our way through another day. A wonderful read Paul and a fave
The very chaos of love and infedilty wrapped up in humour, I guess when all is said and done it's the only thing we can do. I admire your style. 🌹
Well written, Paul. Your Poem revolves around a conversation between two individuals discussing love, marriage, and the mundane realities of life, such as shopping for children or the surreal act of shooting a tortoise. The inclusion of a pet shop owner and the absurdity of their proposed marriage adds layers of irony and humor.
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