Between breathes

Do you know that pain in your chest

The struggle to breathe or catch your breath 

The struggle to think straight as your eyes water down into tears 

The tremble in your legs and arms as even standing becomes a struggle of fear

Do you know that tightening sensation in your throat 

The one that makes you choke on your words as you speak 

The one that makes it seem like you’re underwater, drowning

The tense pressure as it wraps around your neck, becoming more painful 

Do you know that feeling of thoughts racing in your mind

The pounding drums on your brain

The pounding heartbeats in your chest

The breaking of your thoughts until you can no longer think 

I know that feeling all to well

I tell myself it’ll pass, even if it feels like it never will

Each second feels longer than the last

I remember I have to breathe, though it’s difficult to remember a good rhythm 

I cling to the sound of my own heartbeat as if it’ll make time slow down

I count the seconds, the sounds, the cracks on the floor 

I feel the cold ground I sit on, and the harsh sting of my nails on my skin

Keep both feet locked on the floor, my knees and arms up to my chest

By now, a tear rolls down my face yet I don't care about how this looks

My arms reach out, my mouth opens, yet only silence remains

My arms now red with little crescent moons, my eyes now red a tearing up

My thoughts spiraling for help and answers

How i wish someone sees me and brings me back

I sit in the noise, waiting for a sign

For a voice, a hand, anything at all

I don’t need perfect, I don’t need a cure

I just need someone to hear me right now at this very moment

The faintest voice calls out my name 

Slowly getting louder and more clear, the voice calls me

This voice brings me back, the pressure on my neck releases 

This voice reminds me of where I am and brings me back to reality 

One last time they say my name and hold me close

The world comes back as if time stood still while i was gone

I wipe the tears off my face and with much energy say “I’m fine”

I get up, and place the smile everyone expects me to wear 

And though I walk away like nothing’s wrong

The echo of the fear still stays with me

So I breathe again, a little more each time

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