"THE FIRST GLIMPSE OF SELF LOVE"

Someone once asked me —  
Why don't you write a poem about yourself?  
I smiled ----- but Something trembled inside.  
About myself? What would I even say?  
I don't know what that feeling is supposed to be.  
But today ----- I tried.  

I've always written about love —  
That imagined kind, the one that never arrived.  
Love I longed for, the kind I thought I needed.  
I used to wonder -----  
What would happen if someone walked into my life?  
If someone confessed their love — how would it feel?  
And then I'd ask myself:  
why am I even thinking this? maybe I shouldn't --  

But what if ----- I confessed love to myself instead  
what if ---- my eyes met my own reflection and  
said, "You are beautiful — inside and out."  
What then?

I've fought with myself, doubted myself.  
Torn pieces of me apart to be enough for someone else.  

But today ---- I tried loving myself.  
And it was quiet, unfamiliar, yet tender.  
Like the first drop of rain on a parched soul.  

What if ---- I could be my own most beautiful story?  

They shout, they scold, their voices fill the air.  
I laugh --- like a fool in love with chaos.  
They ask "why are you laughing like that?"  
I don't answer.  
Because I know — If I stop, my tears might escape.  
So, I laugh louder.  
Not to silence them — But to hush the storm inside me  

Sometimes, I believed they loved me.  
Maybe in some fleeting way, they did.  
But It was my skin they clung to —  
Not the soul that was aching beneath.  
I gave & gave, until I was weary of being a gift.  
They loved what could fade -----  
But not the spirit that only wanted to feel safe.

And now I regret — Not the absence of their love, But  
that I kept seeking it Before I ever dared to choose my own.  

But today ---- I looked at myself not through their eyes,  
Not through their minds,  
Not through the lens of pain or perfection —  
But through truth.  

I touched my soul with words.  
I held my heart without apology.  
I called myself worthy —  
without needing a witness.  

And in that quiet moment ----  
I became the love I'd been writing about All along.