Leave Before My Lights Wear Out

This isn't supposed to hurt you; it's not what you think
I'm just saving from the waters before you can even sink.
I'm sorry, I won't save myself; it's better this way.
It's best if you leave. So please, please just stay away.

My toxicity gets the best of me when my grip begins to slip.
I can't find my mind at such times. I'm sorry, am I making any sense?
I can't seem to control anything, everything, not even my unmoving lips,
Silence became my weapon while the distance between us became my muse.

Tragedy has always surrounded my entire being; it stays, it lingers
So I can't let you bear witness to the blood dripping down my fingers.
What will you think of me? I know for a fact you won't even stay
To heal my fresh wounds and see my shaking body, but it's fine, it's okay,
I'm used to it this way. 

I'll save you from the sheer trauma of seeing me completely broken,
So please, leave while my eyes still shine and have not yet sunken.
I promise you, you'll find someone even better. I know you will.
I've accepted that I'll never be enough; please, I know the drill.

Just leave me the fuck alone.
I'm begging you, I'll even chant ten miserable goodbyes
And blatantly lie that my affection has long since died. 
Is this too cruel a goodbye? I'm being too much again, aren't I? 
I'm sorry, I really am, I thought that fuck off might be too kind.