Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder:

Dear, I don’t really remember,

I know how things ended, and as much as I wish, I’ll never have something that good again. Would I even know if I did?

You were my everything, but everything means nothing if it’s constantly changing.

Sometimes I wonder, if we hadn’t said the things we did. If I hadn’t taunted the jaws of flames, if I’d just stopped typing,

If I hadn’t loved you with such an intensity, with such a feeling, as though my heart was to explode a bloody mess within my rib cage. If I had walked away, sometimes I wonder if it would’ve hurt less, sometimes I wonder if I would’ve cared about you less. But we stopped talking.

You blended into a sea of many faces I can no longer remember, you trusted me with such a profusion that you told me stuff I cannot unhear. I think my brain misses you more than my heart does, because I keep seeing you in my dreams.

I should’ve just shut my mouth but I have a nagging fear that if I stop talking, I’ll become unimportant and fade into an abyss.

Sometimes I wonder if destiny would’ve been nicer to me,

Or if it’s all just bullshit.

Sometimes I wonder if you loved me the same way as loved you.

Yours sincerely,

You won’t remember.