Countdown Time

Thursday the 15th, countdown time

For Christ's sake, why can’t you get the cornflakes in the plate? How hard can it be? Naturally, you’ll be expecting me to clean that up.

You could just leave them, refill for tomorrow.

So typical of you, you would live in shit.

Do you fancy a coffee, or a calm, Valium maybe?

You just think  I can pop something into my mouth, and wow, normal Jill.

Can you do that?

No, you can’t, you moron.

Would you like me to run you a bath?

We don’t have a bath.

Oh yeah, meant a shower.

Do I look incapable to you?

Is that a trick question?

Just keep out of my way

Don’t you want to stay with your mum for a few days

Why the hell would I want to stay with my mum

Well, you're slightly nuts at this time of the month, and your mum’s just nuts all the time.

So, your logic is, all the nuts together.

You can see where I’m coming from

Why don’t you go and stay with my mum

I can’t, not after she saw me naked

I’m sure my mum has seen a naked man before

Not one trying to get into bed with her

And you say I’m nuts

See, you’re slightly laughing now

Don’t change the subject. Why were you trying to get into bed with my mum?

You’ll laugh when I tell you.

Will I?

Yes, you’ll be killing yourself.

Swear to god, I’m going to kill you if you don’t tell me.

Well, it was your bad time two months ago when it happened.

Stop calling it my bad time.

Okay, that time when you’re not quite sane.

Now we can see why I’m not quite sane, so spit it out.

Well, I came in drunk, and I sneaked into bed to surprise you.

You weren't naked, were you?

Only from the head down.

That’s why my mum doesn’t visit now. Tell me you didn’t.

I couldn’t, I got into a fight with the guy I thought was sleeping with you.

My god, and you call me nuts. You are certifiable. Hold on a minute, my mum hasn’t had a guy since Dad died. Are you making this up?

No, your mum swore me to silence; she was having a swingers party.

My sweet mum’s a swinger, I can’t believe it. Tell me none of the neighbours saw you leaving. In fact, I’m going round there now to give her a piece of my mind.

You do that love. I’ll get off to work.  

Can’t wait to see her face tonight. Wish I were a fly on the wall. Sure, they’ll be laughing at this for a long time. I hope.