"Why are you crying? We'll see each other again soon.""

It's been almost five years, but you will always be my dad and my hero. I wanted to post this on your birthday, but I really need my dad right now. I just want to think about the good things, and you always come to mind. Not because it was always sunshine and rainbows but actually because of the total opposite. We went through so much together, and you of all people would understand me the best if you were still alive. I never had to explain myself to you, you already knew. And not just that but you wanted to know. I don't think I'll ever have a friend like that again. And I like to think about how you were a man of faith and righteousness just as Christ's who adopts our sin on the Cross. In that same sense, you were completely surrendered to him, and in your last days, all you could see or think of was the Cross. We talked about scripture, Jesus, our Lord and Savior, and you tolerated all of my outlandish theological concerns with patience and mirth. Sometimes you were indignant, sometimes you were stubborn, and sometimes I couldn't understand your sense of humor, but you never blamed me for my sheltered-ness. In fact, you were so utterly glad that you were able to protect me from the things you yourself were exposed to. I believe that, as you aged, you were so filled with a reverence for Christ that you were sometimes alienated from the rest of the world. And that's because you allowed God to set you apart. You suffered betrayal, slander, abandonment, isolation, night terror, insomnia, addiction, and even pain that I thankfully could never understand. Because of you, I am finally ready and willing to be more than tolerated but loved by Christ. Because of you, who sat through my every abuse, my every temper tantrum, and my every psychotic episode, I know my true identity in the loving eyes of God. I tell everyone that you were the perfect dad for me not because you and I had a great friendship, even though we did, but because you showed me the tenderness, the compassion, the steadfastness, and the mightiness of God.

Thank you, Dad. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I hope I can dream with you again sometime soon. I miss you.