Home

“I want to go home” 

I think to myself as I wonder through the winding roads of life

Yet I don't know where my home is

My house isn't my home

Homes are supposed to bring you a sense of 

Peace

Love 

Safety 

And Joy

However, in my house causes my mind to race late into the night

It makes me worried for those living within it

The atmosphere is consistently tense and high strung

There is never a peaceful calm

Which I long for so desperately

For a lucky few home is a person

Someone who quiets the worries that lie in the darkest corners of the human mind

But every time I’ve tried to find this person 

I find someone who makes those anxieties louder

Stronger

Faster 

Darker

Or someone who doesn't want my broken shards

For some the concept of home is a state of mind

A place within themselves

Unfortunately mental illness has instilled its permanent residence in my mind 

And poisoned my thoughts so that they run darker than the night sky

So the possibility of a peaceful mind is no longer an option for me

The closest I’ve found to home is nature

But even it has harmed me

If there in the arms of mother nature

My mind still wonder to the darkest possibilities

The worst "what if’s” come to color

In the vibrant yet violent theater of my mind’s eye

Which torments me with sights so grim not even I want to see them

So for now I search for home

Wondering mindlessly on weary feet until I find it

With one thought in my mind 

“I want to find home”