Bowel obstruction set a movement in motion

Years from now
the following anecdote
based on fact,
but embellished to the hilt with fiction,
I will be sharing with kith and kin

one horrific case
for the Guiness record books

being constipated that took me
to the emergency room
of the nearest hospital,
where a team of surgeons
labored night and day
employing a procedure
to relieve a partial
and complete blockage
in the small or large intestine,
which involved removing
the obstructing material
(like scar tissue,
a tumor, or a twisted bowel),
restoring normal digestion,
and repairing or removing
any damaged intestinal tissue
to prevent life-threatening complications,
which involved extricating
a humongous accretion

whar imp peed dense

robbed ability of mine to engage

in any one of a small number
of favorite avocations

bequeathing genie us -
of love id est myself
and shoo fly
black strapping soulmate,
a hot buxom big bottom broad -
and interestingly enough
as a side note

tracing her descendents
as a founding mother effer,
who helped draft
in conjunction with

the divine female creator
unalienable rights
(or inalienable rights)
videlicet fundamental,
innate human rights
that cannot be surrendered,
sold, or transferred
to another person,

which explicitly guaranteed courtesy
implicitly codified, deified, gratified...
ratified, and verified obeissance
to she who took a ribbing
(cuz of her ribrocked role
designing women and
as an afterthought men)

declaring the human constitution
such as me and thee dear reader

for life, liberty
and pursuit of happiness

without a waste not want not - attitude
means that if you are careful
with your resources
and avoid waste today,
you will not be in need
(or "want") in the future
granting Homo sapiens sapiens
precious little lifetime
to savor prospective immortality
if codas, diktats, edicts, et cetera
found the offspring of Adam and Eve
obeying an eco-conscious credo,

(where sniveling sycophants
uttering in hushed puppy like tones
heard intimating you bet
your sweet bippy

while simultaneously heard
laugh-in their pants off),
where whirling dervishes
accompanied Gaia and gala fête
a lavish, often outdoor celebration,
festival, or elaborate party
analogous to tempests in a teapot

presented, proffered and offered remedy
for aching alimentary
(my dear Watson) canal
unconditional acceptance
to offset future obstructed bowels
and follow doctors orders
to ingest about a half dozen

dulcolax, miralax, plus inserting

no more than three suppositories

and ejaculating sweet victory

subsequently pooping like

there haint no tomorrow

when the above
named over the counter
products did finally
after hours ever so slowly
tick tock away
giving me a reprieve
to regale in the simple pleasures
of stayin' alive
to the sound of music
no longer imp peed did
to being figuratively tethered
to the porcelain goddess
and able, eager, ready and willing
to relish sitting on my posterior end
without experiencing stabbing pain,
and contractions, I would imagine
similar to a pregnant woman in labor
which condition of being under pressure
pushin' down on me
pressin' down on you,
no man ask for
without feeling under pressure
that brings a building down
splits a family in two,
puts people on streets
Mm-ba-ba-beh, mm-ba-ba-beh
Dee-day-da, ee-day-da
as the muscles in league
to process human feces
stool or poo, and earlier
in the digestive tract,
semi-liquid waste
known as chyme

before exiting the body electric

found yours truly (me)
quenching, relishing, and savoring,
amazingly healthy paltry
body mass index
lovely bones, muscles and sinew
versus being a grateful dead
lifeless mass of flaccid flesh
and spindleshanks for calves,
not significantly meatier overall
than when I first came into this
webbed, wide world
as a tangled mass
of spindly arms and legs
thrashing amazingly
and slickly graceful
even then lxvii plus years ago
moving to the beat
of my own drummer
as a little boy blue
who clamored to be
Little Lord Fauntleroy

living the life of Riley.