Your in (yearn) nation never felt so Gr-r-reat, yet pissed off at the same time

Ability to pee severely impacted
courtesy lower gastrointestinal tract
bloated, and all I could muster
constituted a trickle,
which dribble of urine

under pressure from bowel obstruction.

Soon after completely

consuming the cocktail

of dulcolax, and miralax

plus pushing three suppositories

within black hole, “ay” double scribble

where the sun don't shine

instantaneously triggered a chain reaction

(more powerful than any atomic bomb)

at the business or posterior end,

which quickly broke on thru

to the other side

exited the body through the anus,

at the very end of the digestive tract,

the stool stored in the rectum

(the final chamber of the large intestine)

but until getting pushed out

through the anus,

(and once in motion according

to Sir Isaac Newton's

first law of thermodynamics...),

no opposing force could stop,

either the flying missile shaped dookie

large enough to sink a battleship,

or thwart the trajectory

taken by Polar Express

(defying odds/bookmakers

that surely disaster would ensue -

analogous to a derailed freight train)

going off the tracks or rails

thanks to yours truly - id est me

as referred to in common parlance

and much to the relief

of onboard conductor(s)

and for the sake

of nonchalant onlookers

which madding crowd

swelled the rank and file

(likened to a forever

expanding bloated gaseous body electric

within lower gastrointestinal tract)

comprising Huey Lewis

and his news crews,

plus Norris McWhirter,

the surviving twin, who co-founded

The Guinness Book of Records

with his twin brother,

after Ross McWhirter took

more than one bullet re: lee got assassinated,

and senselessly gunned down in cold blood

November 27, 1975,

by members of the Provisional

Irish Republican Army (IRA),

when two gunmen

from the "Balcombe Street Gang"

shot him in the head

and chest at point-blank range

outside his home in Enfield,

north London, shortly

after he offered

a reward for their capture,

thus he (though mortalized

as a martyr) could not witness

the awesome natural phenomena

as one after another

or to be more precise

exactly two humongous turds,

the baddest and biggest bowel movements

documented by esse skat toll adjusts

(this side of the Milky Way -

since Homo sapiens sapiens

walked the earth and kept meticulous

hand written esoteric notes

about dimensions of human waste,

which accident moving like wings

at the speed of sound)

and exceeding by light years

so mundane colonization of distant planets,

the following account became

the most watched tragedy

across the webbed wide world

since time immemorial,

not only by curious

(and billy me) idle onlookers

drawing at light speed,

(faster than Benjamin Button reversed aging)

an ever increasing madding crowd

within earshot of deafening muscle contractions

said locomotive went off the tracks or rails,

the awesome odoriferous natural phenomena

as one after another

or to be more precise

exactly two humongous turds,

the baddest and

biggest bowel movements

this side of the Milky Way

since Homo sapiens sapiens

walked the earth

and kept meticulous hand written notes

about dimensions of human waste

which both entities involved in wreck,

one can actually see

encased and housed

in commode shaped glass

and the other merely

a remaining loose caboose

when trains—specifically

steam locomotives—

widely referred to as "iron horses"

permanently affixed

to a mauled strip of tracks

at the Smithsonian Institution.