I’m nothing

When will I outrun this shadow that follows my every step sometimes getting there before I go. A shadow or maybe a stench that signals to everyone I ever love, that what they thought glittered wasn’t gold, they borrow my pride it arrayed them a king and me the jester. The joke, the loser, whatever label would demean me thought I hadn’t thought of myself before I opened my languid heart to give love another try. But love has shut the door in my face plenty of times, and remind me no matter what my cast in society strips me of affection even the farmers enjoys. What am I to do, every attempt and I’m always back to ground zero. What am I to do, I lament to God but I’m starting to feel that I’m not socially upward moving for him to intervene in my situation, so I bare my burden in quiet sorrow, chest heavy I wish I died tomorrow.