Pain = Life

 

 

PAIN = LIFE.

 

Say it.

 

PAIN = LIFE.

 

Louder.

 

Because when the world goes quiet,

when the voices disappear,

when my own fucking heartbeat

isn't loud enough to convince me

I'm still here...

 

PAIN = LIFE.

 

My shoulder is screaming.

My bones are begging.

My body is throwing every warning

it has left at me.

 

And I laugh.

 

Not because it's funny.

 

Because I've learned

to laugh when something hurts

too badly to cry.

 

They say,

“Go to the doctor.”

 

I say,

“I've survived worse.”

 

That's the problem.

 

I've survived so much

that survival started feeling

like the only thing I'm good at.

 

So I drag myself through the agony.

I wear exhaustion like armor.

I turn suffering into proof.

 

LOOK AT ME.

 

I'm still standing.

 

LOOK AT ME.

 

I'm still breathing.

 

LOOK AT ME.

 

I'M STILL FUCKING HERE.

 

Pain became my alarm clock.

My religion.

My punishment.

My proof of existence.

 

And every time my body screams,

 

I hear something inside me whisper:

 

“Good.”

 

Because numbness scares me

more than pain ever did.

 

Pain has teeth.

 

Numbness has nothing.

 

And sometimes I'd rather be bitten

than disappear.

 

But here's the part

I never wanted to say out loud:

 

Maybe pain isn't proof I'm alive.

 

Maybe it's proof

that something inside me

needs fucking help.

 

Maybe strength isn't

gritting my teeth until they crack.

 

Maybe strength is admitting:

 

“I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.”

 

Because my body isn't my enemy.

 

These bones aren't disposable.

 

This flesh isn't a battlefield

I have to keep conquering.

 

And I don't have to destroy myself

just to feel real.

 

So let the pain scream.

 

Let it fucking scream.

 

I'll scream back:

 

I HEAR YOU.

 

But I am not worshipping you anymore.

 

PAIN ≠ LIFE.

 

Pain is pain.

 

Life is everything

that comes after I decide

I'm worth saving.

 

And tonight,

 

for once,

 

I don't have to prove

I'm alive

 

by hurting.

 

I can prove it

 

by staying.