I’d call it muscle memory —
The way I instinctively reach for my phone to call you,
The way I pretend you’re around all the time,
The way I hope every notification is you.
They tell me to behave like the person I want to be.
What if all I want to be is yours?
How much longer do I have to keep pretending
That it is real, until it is real?
Will I ever get to feel your cold warmth again?
I never knew which version of you
I would greet at the door that evening.
I don’t know if I want you.
All I know is that there is an empty seat next to me,
And there is the idea of one person who I want here.
I wish it was muscle memory for me to call someone else.
Such a funny thing, muscle memory —
It keeps reaching for what I’m trying to forget.
- Ria <3

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Comments1
"Will I ever get to feel your cold warmth again?" a great line that sums it all up. Contradiction expressed in the last line "It keeps reaching for what I'm trying to forget". Well done
I'm glad you understand the essence of my poem
Most welcome Ria
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