Is The End Worth It, Truly?

with all of the current devastating news that is

broadcasted on every scroll of every app

it further pushes my desire to live down to zero.

what point is there to see myself achieve so much when in the end…

the end could be near.

waking up everyday trying to better myself all seems for not.

existentially pointless.

i need to speak to grim again.

maybe he can give me another hug.

maybe this time i’ll take it. 

i still want to see the things i’ve started be completed.

but if i’m completely honest?

i have no genuine feeling of gratification.

because in the end i know it wont matter.

you can do your best to convince me otherwise.

you can scream your passion for my life all you want.

but at the end of the day, this life has not been exceptional.

i would say i’d want a redo.

but given how mother earth has been treated

& how history seems to repeat itself

i have no interest in being jovial about it.

my neutrality has become my demise

but also my blessing. 

i hope to wake up one day & see that this was all a bad dream.

a joke.

a sick one, but a joke nonetheless.

but i fear that this is exactly what is being simulated- a draconian misery.

why my soul chose to come during this moment in mother earth’s pain?

i wish i had an answer.

i wish i could read my soul contract & change the details;

or rip it up altogether.

whichever gets me away from this horribly simulated timeline

full of patriarchal rage & ignorance, the better.