Ambivalence

I want to run away and stay 

in the uncertainty of this evasion 

that longs for its own prison...

I mourn these poems imbued with grandeur

that bloom upon your  icy grave.

To the crowd of lewd devotees ,

offering my ambiguous desires ...

Mind that relishes suffering as it gazes at itself 

in the amnesia of the mirror...

 I will still confront the evil within you 

that laughs at me ...

Married under the ancestral law of widowhood,

 I take the oath to rip off your nun's habit 

  to sin with delectation !

   drama performed in psychorequiem .

It's you ,damned fool speaking through me ?

  Irresistible urge to bloom this dead love 

which has not yet come to life ...

  you haunt me with your virginal crime !

 scarlet drop on the white  satin ...

  Perhaps ,must I journey to the very end 

of the nightmare ,to sit at the devil's table 

and share its feast ?

  The last glass smashed on the floor ,

my soul traded for a few meager prayers 

and humble alms ,

 I'll scream at this mute inside me :

'' Shut up stupid fool -no one's listening your rambling ! ''

    sailing solo in my loneliness .

'' Please ,Mr executioner just a little eternity to atone ...'' 

     You my cursed sister in this orchard of broken vows .

Each of these lies, told to seduce you and to teach me 

how to die  in memoriam ...

   Brave old gallows ! 

 So I can lose you all over again .

  Illusory ecstasy of a lunar orgasm !

   My ambivalence ...