I had never felt the urge to I love you

I had never felt the urge to say I love you

I knew love existed,

And I had been in love,

Or so I thought.

But those words,

“i love you”

were mechanical to me.

Once I knew what love technically was,

I decided that,

I was in love,

therefore, I should say it,

And I meant it,

When I said it.

Previously saying I love you,

felt real,

Like a way of saying,

I care about you.

But I’m not sure it was love.

Today as I sit in the park,

With my back into him,

Our hands interlinked,

He kisses my neck playfully,

Pretending to eat me,

I get this urge,

To say the words.

As I look back at him,

And he stares at me intently,

More than I’ve ever stared at anyone,

I get the urge again.

Our lips touch softly and it feels so natural,

Even kissing before felt performative,

I of course wanted to kiss my last partner,

But it felt organised,

Planned,

This kissing feels spur of moment,

And out of genuine want,

His cues are so subtle, but there.

It’s so early,

Yet I feel it.

I feel the urge to say,

For now I will resist,

Knowing I might not have enough time to get to say it.