Sonya

What’s a lovely girl like you doing in a dump like this?

I own it.

That course I took is working well.

Was that the diplomatic course?

It was. Have you been on it.

Have I asked you any stupid questions?

Not yet, but give it time.

Ask me another question.

What’s your name?

Sonya.

You’re kidding. Did your parents not like you?

Did you actually attend that course?

Well, I sort of started the online application, but then this porn site popped up, and I got distracted.

Did anything else pop up?

That’s quite witty, Sonya.

It wasn’t meant to be. I meant, did any religious sites pop up?

Well, they do say God works in mysterious ways. So I’m thinking he came through as busty Bertha from Berlin.

Are you a bit rusty chatting up women?

Well, I have just come out of a long-term relationship.

Sorry to hear that. How long were you together?

A week.

Wish I hadn’t asked now. Was that a full week?

Well, a week is a week.

Not necessarily; it might have been Saturday to Friday

I suppose so.

So was it.

No, it was Wednesday to Saturday.

So technically it was four days.

If you want to be pedantic about it.

What about your relationship before that?

Eight days.

What’s your longest relationship?

Three weeks.

That must have seemed like a marriage to you.

Actually, my wife died tragically.

I’m really sorry; that was insensitive of me.

Only kidding, Sonya; she ran off with the window cleaner. The windows have never recovered.

My God, you’re a train wreck.

You want to be on that train, don’t you, Sonya?

I do; I actually want to go out with you. Why the hell do I want to go out with you?

Well, Sonya, if you don’t go out with me. Then one fine day you’ll marry this boring guy, and I’ll be at the back of your mind.

But in my mind, I’ve already dumped you.

Not necessarily, Sonya; this could be a match made in heaven.

It won't be; I’ve only known you for five minutes, and you’re already doing my head in.

Well, that is a sort of a relationship, is it not?

I suppose so. I don’t even know your name.

It’s Paul.

Paul, did your parents not like you?

Do you see what you did there, Sonya?

OMG, I’ve become you. How the hell did that happen?

I’m not sure, Sonya; maybe we shouldn’t go out together.

No, we must; it’s like I need to go out with you for my sanity’s sake.

Okay, Sonya, I'll pick you up at eight tomorrow night...