The Mistakes I Made

So the newly forged path is one that goes forward and up, but I feel my strength and patience wear thin

Remind me that redemption is the bright new chapter that I am already in

Because I thought I heard the pages rustle back and I shivered with a jolt as cold fingers brushed my skin

It was fleeting, but I daydream of the day it’s not at all

I thank God I walk most of the time, but I still dread the crawl

I rejoice in my fair days in the fields, but will there be a last time I awake in a dark alley with my back against the wall?

I breathe easy on a sunny, beautiful day until I feel a heaviness to the air

I spin around ready to fight, but there’s nothing there

Then I freeze stiff as I hear my own voice whisper, deride, “Drop to your knees, what’s fair is fair.”

They don’t pull on me so hard every second of every day, the hauntings grow few

But I cannot always close my eyes without seeing the bloodied wide grin of somebody that I once knew

And soon as it passed, I’m unsure if it was no worse than the nightmare I awoke to

It was a good day, the waters were calm, the skies were clear

This place is one of rest, peace, grace and freedom are found here

I reflect on whether this mountain even has one, yet the summit feels near

But as I closed my eyes, in my chest I felt the shocking chill of a blade

But I saw in the darkness it’s not my own, the blood through which I wade

And I know absolution is beyond my entitlement, but I still shudder, roll over and whisper, “How long must I pay for the mistakes I made?”