The art of almost falling

I live my life on the edge of a fall
with trembling hands and no ground at all
one foot in heaven one toe in hell
too scared to leap too tired to dwell

I am always falling but never quite there
with wind in my lungs and death in my hair
I fall off cliffs that exist in my mind
and leave little pieces of myself behind

I fall in love with a terrible grace
then fall apart trying to keep up the pace
I give someone my heart and pray they will stay
then fall to my knees when they look away

sometimes I fall and there is no end
no hand to hold no shoulder to lend
just bone deep agony and a prayer in my chest
begging the universe to let me rest

and god how I wish I could learn how to land
to stop reaching for something I cannot withstand
to stand on the earth without fearing the ground
to exist without waiting for the next way down

but here I remain where the sky meets the deep
too afraid to wake and too frightened to sleep
forever suspended between flight and despair
always almost falling and already nowhere