RANDOM THOUGHTS

This is more of a rambling about my thoughts so be prepared. Those who don't know already I suffer from social anxiety and PTSD. No I did not develop these in the military, I have struggled with them since I was 8. I was diagnosed a few years ago and it has been a daily struggle to get my thoughts in line. You will understand more about it, in future entries.  So as you can see my brain can be my own worst enemy at times. 

 Well this is my attempt at trying something totally out of my comfort zone, to try and get over my fears. 

So I made an attempt to open up to somebody this past week. It was such a horrible attempt. I put great emphasis on "ATTEMPT", because it was literally a fucking fail. You know when your in grade school and you have a crush, and they say hi, and you just freeze up and just awkwardly smile the entire time, and no fucking word comes out. YES! You got it, that was this chick right here! 

It's like everytime I was going to either ask a question or say something, I automatically staged the conversation in my head, and pretty much if it went bad in my head, then it definently was not going to come out of my mouth. It sounds completely ridiculous when I read this, but it's something that happens when someone makes me extremely nervous.

I think I will put my random thoughts to a rest for now. Stay tuned for more entries/poems.