My Mind is A Hand Grenade

My mind is a hand grenade, pin pulled. 

It's shielded by my smile,

suppressed by drugs,

and held back by my friends.

but my family is oblivious to it

In public its not there.

but when im alone,

the tears spill.

Into an already overflowing bucket.

Nobody knows. 

The facade has been up for too long. 

Someone needs to know.

I have to do more than just say it.

I'll have to prove it, show it, do it. 

but there's no way, without exploding.