One day

One day I will not wake up at some odd wee hour of the night and flick my iPhone on wishing you'd dropped a message- you said clearly to me you cant text me every day

One day I will not sit up on a morning of my day off work and hover over your whatsapp chat willing myself not to reach out to you- wondering if you thought about me yesterday

One day I will not be walking home from work and wonder whether or not to tell you Im done from work- you didnt know I was at work, you couldn't care less if I wound up dead or whatever.. You wouldn't know.. It wouldn't matter...

One day I wouldn't wonder why you don't tell me what you're up to. Why you don't share what made you happy that day, what pissed you off... Or if you'd had your dinner... After all you did point out to me we'd only met once- why the fuck do I feel Ive known you for ages

One day I won't wonder what your favourite colour is, whether you've got kids, if you're divorced, or when your birthday is...

One day I will not have to block you on my phone, delete your number off my contacts list,cry myself to sleep, send you a good bye message, convince myself Im stupid for hoping you cared even a teeny weenie bit about me

One day I wont have to unblock and with the same humbling motions type, add you back and tell you for the hundredth time what you already know- Write you poems you say you have no clue what to do about, literally engrave how much I care about you on my fore head and have you scoff at it.. It hurt that night really wounded me- that curt retort.. But did I heed my own advise?

One day I will be free of loving you, I wont worry that I might let it slip- that I do Love you... Like I did every other time I loved and didn't get loved back... I should be used to this business now-

I stand staring out the window, pain searing through hoping that one day you will love me back. But I smile sardonically to myself, 'cause it sure as hell ain't happening... That much I know...

For my sanity, though I pray, I'm tethering on the brink, I'm screaming my lungs out, I'm digging my heels in, I'm waving my tawny arms frantically... With every heart wrenching sob- I'm begging to have my heart back, to have my mind back, to have my peace back, to be able to look at the sky and not think of you or wish you were here...

One day I will be free
....of Loving you...

Maybe 

Maybe not

jemina, Devon Uk