Distinguished by true colors

I once dreamt about my soul stating that it was indulging in happiness for the first time.. But no... How can that be? How can my soul be purely happy when there is something barricading it from being a normal state of mind. Every time it seems as if i am getting to where I need to be, my heart self destructs. My heart gives up on what little hope it has.. Left in desire of faith and strength, I'm only left in vulnerability and despair. I am seduced by the corrupt. And I sometimes tend to disguise the corrupt in my delusions and depictions of perfection. It is not an allusion, i am thoroughly delusional, and I only fond over happiness. Now.. Now I give up entirely and I sit down, staring across this distant room. I seek for you and us. I morn for a nicer personality. I sought over my imperfections. I creep on my thoughts about being better than you. I drown in my sorrows of the figures that deceived me. I smother myself in the regrets that can never be undone. I try.. But trying is never good enough.. The difficulty is more than I can bear most of the times.. I am now left in a space.. A space at which is only filled with emptiness..