stones, bricks, and twigs

when you abandoned me, it felt like the minuscule chunks of heart i had left in my wilting body were flung one-by-one into the ocean and set a sail until they washed up on the shores of whoever was arranged by fate to foster them next.

the ocean tides would rather drown my principle of existence then slowly let my optimism and prosperity float into the safety of another individual's worth and devotion to me.

after you broke me, i or the spirits surrounding me had no hope of revival to ordinary existence.

 

the temporary love i felt in you was sold as a home with brick walls, when in reality they were barricaded of thin sticks and twigs tied together with a cord of inhumane aspirations and desires for solid stone that could keep my diminishing mentality in tact.

you thrived off my inability to feel anything but doubt in human forms and organisms and that was what made you flourish behind the closed doors of your dismal soul.

as soon as i let you sneak through the cracks of my twig walls;  sold on the idea that your outer stone could turn my weak walls into firm castles, i was betrayed by the concept that you could lead me into a glass contentment with myself.

 

through another person, emotion and stability cannot be reached; and evidently are not real but just blurred reflections in the puddles shaping to my feet, of what beauty is.

through another person, you cannot be freed or released from the bullshit that has tormented you during your short life, but imprisoned with the burden of yourself and the responsibility that you have placed on their throbbing backs.

 

through another person, self doubt and a pessimistic mentality can be reached in milliseconds.

through another person, nothing of actual priority and importance can be reached in your life.

 

as a consequence for believing all the shit you fed me i was innocently sold the false belief that you loved me as much as you said you did when you whispered into the shaky telephone during your panicked state of mind at 3:30 am on a tuesday.

as i laid motionless on my bed not sure if waking up in the morning was an option for me anymore i choose to believe that you and only you could be the reason the sunlight would gleam through my windows and poison my skin for another day.

 

But as i solemnly sit here, now 9 months after the first time you said you loved me and would never leave my side, i cant breathe without thinking every breath i take has no meaning to it without you

 

you fucking walked away and left me to drown in my own promiscuous hurricane