Life of the cat

LIFE OF THE CAT

I bet you humans think that the life of a cat is really great
I bet you think that we get everything given on a plate
While that maybe true in your heads, that you think we are all the same
Spoilt little bastards with no value for life lording in our domain.

Well I've got news for you pal, your about to learn the truth
That we cats are not tame and docile but really quite aloof.
We don't make useless demands or laze about the house
Or go around the garden to search for that one little mouse.

So get that idea out of your head you crazy little scrote
Cuz I'm gonna tell you in the way that this is wrote.
Just how wrong you humans are in treating us like brats
When all along what you believe is just a load of crap.

It starts when we are babies, during our first few days
Our eyes arnt even open yet, and are already forced to find our way.
Our mother carries us for weeks, her belly like a sack
Carrying us around in her with more weight than she can pack.

Moving back to when We're born, we must not forget
She had to give birth to us somehow, whether it be dry or wet.
That is excruciatingly painful the same as human birth first
If it's any consolation to human females, who think they got it worse

Some cats give birth in the pouring rain, homeless and unfed
Our previous owners dumping us and leaving us for dead.
Now don't get me wrong, not all you humans are to blame
But most of who thinks us spoils are really quite the same.

She goes out and leaves us for hours to hunt for our next meal
Vulnerable  little kittens that to other predators would be little more than a steal.
And while it's true that most of the litter are born healthy and strong
Once In Every birth the mother will come back with one of us gone.

Now let's move onto animal abuse, this topic I must stress
But know that it isn't my intention to sadden and depress
So many humans are good to us and for that we truly thank
That we lucky few are not beaten or thrown into a bank.

While this sound pretty harsh it is unfortunately true
That some of us cats trust are abused by some of you.
It's bad enough we cannot speak to tell you that it hurts
It's bad that we need to be all the more alert

To fear a beating whenever is never a pleasant thing
But imagine what it's like for those who suffer it day out day in.
Let me set the scene a little so you understand
A mangy cat and a cruel drunken man.

He bought you as a kitten your face he couldn't resist
But who'd thought you'd be the victim of his drunken angry fists.
You hide under the couch praying he forgets your there
And greateful for once that he's forgotten you feed you where

Your bowl is always empty, your litter tray still not clean
Now I don't know about you but that's really quite mean.
He comes home in a rage, a bottle in his hand
(He went to the local pub to watch a rubbish band.)

He looks for you, he screams your name sometimes not even that
In fact one name you recall is "you fucking little twat!"
"Get 'ere now you mangy rat" you hear him always yell
By now you know where I'm going with this come on, I know you can tell.

That's enough of sad stuff this time for happier times
Let's move onto a kinder heart who doesn't commit these hideous crimes.
Your adopted by a family looking for a friend
The humans that came to rescue you from heaven the Angels send.

Now I'm not trying to sound like a little attention whore
But when your fed of cheapy food at these shelters and you can't take anymore
You rub against the wall, trying to act all sweet.
Till your chosen human comes and your saviour you meet.ì

They take you home and care for you, and give you milk and cheese
(Which I have to mention that our digestive systems cannot properly digest, so keep that in mind please)

While this all sounds nice, there is a bad point to.
Some owners over feed us, with lots of tasty food
A bit of kfc, or McDonald's from the bin
Is what stray cats eat but what some of our humans feed us is just as bad to begin. And 

A plate of cream in the morning, and maybe then some treats
Is quite a breakfast you must agree but at the same time a rather unearthly feast
Think About it u humans eat loads of greasy food
And when I say this, I don't mean to sound ungrateful pay rude,

But some of the stuff you give us is just about the same as you eat
You might as well be feeding us uncooked or raw meat.
I'm don't mean to sound ungreateful but I'm just pointing out
Before you bugger off and go into a pout.

We cats Cannot speak like you, we cannot tell you off
For all the bad points so we just keep munching from the troff
If we give you a scratch or even a playful bite
You always think we're being mean, and that we want to fight.

You yell at us for bringing you dead birds and rats
I'll have you know those gifts you cannot buy with cash!
But before you go off now tell your kitty no
For all the bad things they do there's one more thing you should know.

The one who to,d you this little tale is not as cute as you think
In your slipper I've left you a gift...that may give of a stink.