semtrap

i cannot be this crazy

Shaking in my bed

I have let out what’s in my head

You’re dumb you’re not enough

My chest tightens

My eyes closed shut

My ankles touch my butt

My arms wrap my chest

Oh I’m a wreck

Breathing heavy lost control of my mind and body

Spewing the same word vomit

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

To the pillow in my mouth

Cannot let the sound resound through the room

Or they’ll know the truth of my oldest friend

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I pray to God for him to pour his grace upon

This voice

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

God give me control of my mind I just lost

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

The piercing cold sweat runs down my burning hot body

As a puddle builds on the small of my back

The cold sweat starts to boil

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

 

The control slowly returns

I can move my arms

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

My legs extend with control

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

My back straightens

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

My body aches because of the muscle spasms

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

I CANNOT BE THIS CRAZY

My mouth finally stops repeating the word vomit

Some control is returned to me

I’m not this crazy I say

It’s a fluke

My oldest friend again starts to say you’re not good you’re not enough you’re dumb

I pray to God my Best friend, lover, caretaker

For the voice in my head

How I desire for my oldest friend to leave

I tell my oldest friend to never leave

I know you and you know me

Without you my oldest friend who will I be



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