You've never loved me

I sit and cry almost every night
I thought I got past this
It hurts me so bad that you don't even care
You've never loved me and you never will

I don't understand how you push me aside
It's like a knife in my heart
I want to ask why

All I want is a call
Your numbers plugged in my phone
I know it by heart yet it's so hard to dial

I get drunk and all I can think about is you
I'm old enough now I don't understand why

I need you to love me
Am I terrible
Are you ashamed
Or are you ashamed of yourself

I want to write you off
Tell you goodbye
Never look back, go on with my life

Lately I miss you
My heart is broken
I wish you would die so I could be more open

I text you in tears and never a response
No one else to call
No one else to tell
No one else can understand me but only myself

Grow up is the only thing I can to say myself
Get over it, your ridiculous
You're grown now

I still feel so broken by the love you never gave
I wish I had never even known your name
I wish someone had stepped in to erase all my tears
Nothing cuts deeper than the dad that's not here

Kids of my own
You don't know them by name
You never even recognize me by my own face

I wish I could erase you from every feeling within
Like my heart that's been broken
No longer able to keep it within

My memories are blurry
Can't piece them together
My therapist says "they're to painful to remember"

I want you to know you're the means to my writing
Since I can remember, you're the pain I've been hiding
You suck
You're the worst
You're a living piece a shit
I want to fuck your world up just like you did mine
Let me leave you empty
With sadness and hurt
Put the bottle to your head and rot like you should

It's time to move on
I promise I will
A day will come I won't let you come near
You won't affect my heart
You won't be my sadness
I pray to god help me get rid of this attachment
I don't know what is
Or why I'm still holding
It's not like you've loved me or ever plan trying

I still plan to live every day like your dead
You're nothing to me
I love you dad