4am

     Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets. I feel worse when I'm alone because that's when all the monsters in my mind come out and say hello. I haven't slept in 48 hours. It's a treacherous thing being ripped apart by your own emotions. Overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings I can't change. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.

     All I want to do is be happy, but it seems as if I've forgotten how. I find it ironic that we tell others to stay strong when we can't even do it ourselves. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.

     The thoughts are getting louder. Screaming at me to DO THIS and DO THAT. It's as if I'm drowning under the waves of my own emotions, as if I've lost control of myself. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.

     I'm surprised no one has noticed how broken I am inside. I pray that one day I'll be as happy as I pretend to be. I don't know how much longer I am take of all this. I guess not all nightmares end when we open our eyes. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.

     I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say? Because I'm not fine at all. I didn't know who would leave or who would stay so I just pushed them all away. Some nights nothing happens and everything is fine and others it all crashes down again. I don't want to pick up the pieces but I have to, or they'll be nothing left. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.

     It's been 96 hours. Not a wink of sleep. It's like I'm in this never-ending downward spiral, where everything that enters is never to return again. If only I had the choice of whether or not to fall.. but I guess it doesn't matter because it's too late. I'm already gone. Fake smile. Dried eyes. 4am knows all my secrets.