How I Feel

I feel like I'm in this room

with no doors

no windows

and no light

I try to escape

but I can never get out

the room is so transparent

it shows everything that is outside

It mocks me with the elusion

of joy, happiness and light

but when I try to touch that light or joy

it hits me like a rock

and

I remember that I'm trapped

and I can't get out

and then

the sorrow and agony I felt

 multiplies times 3

the room I'm in moves with other human beings

they  are joyfully playing and filled with muse

It transports me like a car

but locks me in like a vault

there are 100 of other kids outside the room

they talk to me and play with me

but they can't see the burden that attaches to me

I feel alone

whenever I think that I have someone

who understands and feels my pain

that dark room taunts me

making my hand hit its cold walls

I try so hard to escape

but it shows me no way out

sometimes

I just feel like letting the room win

Ending it for me

so someone else can be trapped

so the room can imprison another poor soul

But there is that little voice that gives me hope

that tells me that one day you will break free

and you will never have to go in that room again

But like I said

it's a small voice

too small

it only comes

when I'm at the verge of ending it forever

It gives me hope

then goes away

and I'm back to that same

agonistic feeling of fear

and fright,

I feel hollow

empty

and trapped inside

that's how I really feel