Dear community

Dear community.

Dear community, I have lied to you.

I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.

I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.

Dear community.

Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.

Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.

Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle

Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.

Dear community.

I wish I could tell you why.

But the truth is, I’m an average guy.

Maybe that’s not what you see.

Maybe it is.

But with every word I speak, I die.

The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.

They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.

They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.

I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,

But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.

With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution

Spurring up like a fairy tale

With no happy ending.

the sheath of fate.

The sword of pain

They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.

Well my dear community, I wish you the best.

But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.

See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.

I know what its like to be truly afraid.

I know what its like

To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.

I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”

But I cant. And the reason is her.

She keeps me safe.

Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.

She makes the light when I’m in the dark.

I love her MORE than life itself.

She keeps me alive.

But the other reason is my future.

I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.

But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.

Life is a powerful word.

It brings so much.

And if you’re anything like me,

You can’t stop crying.

But, child, pick up your face.

Bring yourself to feel again.

There is a light.

I promise.

I found that light.

Now all I have to do is reach it.

I will grasp it with all my heart.

With all of my soul!

I promise things get better.

So dear community.

I really should be thanking you.

Each and every one of you.

 I want you to know how you saved me.

I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.

What I am really trying to say is,

Dear community, thank you.